Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Food for thought - do we believe because we have faith or do we have faith because we believe? I think so often I fall into this lull where it’s hard to have faith or I question my faith. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; many good things come from my doubts because that is how I grow. If faith is the proof of things we don’t or can’t see then I’ve had the wrong idea for years. I always thought that faith was the product of my belief, something I work towards or attain when really it is the proof of what I don’t or can’t see.
The hardest part about being gone is knowing I’ll be back in a few weeks and my friends aren’t my friends anymore.
Look how quickly accidents can happen. I take way too many things for granted and just assume that “that could never happen to me”. How lucky am I that Daddy made it out of that accident without a scratch? One wrong move and he could’ve died. It’s really hard to think about and it makes me want to cry but that’s the truth. The truth I hate to think about because one day it will be a reality. Live everyday as if it’s your last because one of these days it will be. That used to be my favourite quote and for some reason I just stopped living by it, but not anymore. Money is no object and depression is just a waste of time. I have to do what makes ME happy and find that perfect balance in life. I want to be proud of my life and who I am and I want to make sure my family knows how much I love them everyday, Be Slow To Anger and Rich In Love. You don’t wanna wake up and regret the last conversation you had.
I woke up thinking about relativity. Einstein, this crazy, smart dude: a genius, develops this idea of relativity in science. An idea that ultimately changes physics forever yet he still knew there was something greater in the world that he was missing out on. So why are science and religion so separated? Maybe because people are scared that my God is a God bigger than science - a God who created science and all things. I’m beautiful relative to the God I serve, I am fearfully and wonderfully made relative to the God I serve. To the world maybe I’m something else, something not so flattering. But who am I trying to impress here anyways? I’ve got one person to impress and he’s already impressed.
This retreat is turning out to be so much more than I intended it to be and maybe the point of this entire experience is so that I can figure out who I am. Not that it makes it any easier; it’s still really hard to be left behind…honestly, could you get any farther. In Canada, we are as far away as two people can be and that is really hard to fathom. I shouldn’t give up or close my heart just because I’m scared, after all, Fear is the heart of love. I guess it just goes back to say that A girl should be so hidden in God that a boy has to search God to find her. This saying is becoming something for me to live by, I need to find my identity in God before I find it in ANYONE else – and that’s better for both him and I or whoever I end up with. I should be supportive and stand behind him, realizing that it’s just as hard for him if not harder than it is for me I have no place to be selfish. As a partner I should be praying for him, and supporting him and comforting him not trying to guilt him which is kind of my natural instinct. Speaking of love, what’s the difference between unconditional and unfailing love? Deeeeeeep. Can we love unconditionally and not unfailingly? How does God love me? How do I love people? Why does my love fail so easily? What does unfailing love mean? Just thoughts to think about I guess, February’s a new month.